“Never let others know how you feel, they will take advantage of you.” So called wise advice I was given by well meaning people. I feel that society has taught us not to show our emotions in fear of others using our vulnerability against us. So, often, we hide how we feel or we try to justify or rationalise any wrongdoing against us to make the uncomfortable feelings of hurt and disappointment go away. We do this to avoid sitting with feelings we perceive as negative, feelings that may make us question our worth.
It is much easier to cover those feelings up with rationale, logic, analysis, blame because soaking in those feelings is extremely uncomfortable. We don't allow ourselves to feel but when we do, it actually takes less time to heal. When we run away from our feelings, other situations surface which try to make us face those feelings. This is why we often recycle the same experiences with different people and different situations because we don't learn the lesson we were meant to learn from the initial experiences.
Sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment and heartbreak. I have felt all of these feelings for the last few days. I submitted the masterclasses I created on bullying to a very popular e-learning platform. The classes I slaved away to create over the last two months, PPT presentations and workbooks, ten in total. My application was declined.
Guess what? I allowed myself to feel all those feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, disappointment and heartbreak. What I didn't do is bottle those feelings up or mask them with the next project to pursue. Nor did I hide how I felt. I let myself be. I cried, buckets of tears, I cried myself to sleep for two days straight. I didn't "control" my emotions, I processed them and I continue to do so. What I also didn't do is try to rationalize their decision, blame them or even try to figure out why they said no.
Processing emotions is about allowing yourself to feel the feelings without trying to figure out the "why" behind those feelings. Processing emotions is about recognising that you aren’t what you feel. Yes, I feel sad, disappointed, heartbroken, frustrated but I AM NOT sad, disappointed, heartbroken and frustrated. It is so important to differentiate feelings from identity. A valuable lesson I learnt from my mentor - Karen Curry Parker through her teachings on Quantum Human Design.
“I AM” statements are powerful affirmations of who you are, of your identity. Don’t confuse those with your feelings, don’t let your feelings become your identity because you will lose sight of who you really are at the core of it all. Who are you? Say this with me - “I am love. I am powerful. I am who I am. I am forgiving. I am serving. I am vital. I am supported. I am compassionate.” Credit - Karen Curry Parker. These are the code phrases of the heart - your identity, when all the masks have been stripped away - this is who you really are.
Process your emotions, feel them - cry. Release them, don’t run away from them, it will be much harder for you to heal if you hide your emotions, if you mask them, if you put on a brave face. Healing comes much quicker when you process emotions in a healthy way.
As for me, I recognise that the universe has something much better in store for me. This is why my application was declined. So, in the meantime, I will continue to process my emotions. Most importantly, I recall how important the right kind of "no" is far better than the wrong kind of "yes".