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SETTING SACRED BOUNDARIES HONOURING SELF-CARE

Last week, I hopped on a call with one of my BFF's - Faith Rodriguez. We spoke after a long time and it felt so wonderful to connect with her again! We got on to the topic of self-care and I mentioned how I have a list of "go to" things I do for self-care: Meditation, working out, Tai Chi, eating healthy, taking naps in the day when my body needs it. But I silently admitted to her that I was feeling exhausted and drained, despite doing all of this to take care of myself. It does not help that my day starts at 4am, six days a week because I teach EFL to kids on the other side of the world - I LOVE this as it gives me immense joy! Now let me tell you something amazing about Faith - she is highly intuitive, and she uses this gift to guide many. I trust her and I knew she would be able to recommend something organic and trustworthy for me.

She suggested I try taking zinc and B12 vitamins and I ordered them right away. I will keep you posted on how I feel after taking these for a few weeks.

So, here is the thing about self-care. I have been conditioned not to prioritise myself - I am a wife and a mother, a matriarch, it is my duty and responsibility to take care of those around me, their needs should be taken care of first. This is the conditioning I am referring to. Sound familiar? No one told me that a matriarch is not the same as a martyr.

I can count numerous times when I have ensured my family is well taken care of even when I have been unwell. I did not set boundaries, I did not say "no" because a good, Indian wife and mother does not do these things - she puts her family first. I had become a martyr and cried about it - no one cared about me, no one helped me, no one supported me, I was all alone.

My aha moment came when I realised that everyone would treat me based on how I treat myself. My environment is a mere reflection of how I am being to myself, a reflection of how I am treating myself.

Guess what? I have deconditioned myself; I have rewritten the rules I was told to live by. I say "no", I put myself first, I set boundaries. But when setting these boundaries, I did not say, "I am putting my foot down/I am drawing the line/enough is enough!" This is because these statements come from a place of anger and frustration which will be met by resistance and judgement. When this is done with anger or frustration, it is met with anger and frustration from those around you because these are low vibe feelings resulting in judgement and taunts from those affected by the boundaries you set. The key to do this is to do it lovingly, with love - not with anger or frustration but with love. "I am loving myself better so that this love can spill over to those around me."

Setting boundaries with love is high vibrational resulting in high vibrational responses from those affected directly by these new boundaries. In giving yourself this love, you fill your own cup which then overflows to those around you. I am on the most exciting trip of my life - the trip of falling purely and madly in love with myself.

Who is joining me on this transformational journey of self-love?

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© 2020 KALYANI SPEAKS \\ AK CREATIVE DIRECTOR

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