In a recent post, I touched on the concept of forgiving those who hurt you, instead of trying to prove your critics wrong. While I personally found an immense source of motivation in going after my goals for the sole purpose of proving my critics wrong, I highly discourage this. Learn from my experience - you will not feel successful when you attain those goals. You will feel empty and before long, you will be looking for your next fix. The next critical comment to motivate you. Nothing positive can come from fueling it with negative feelings.
So often, we refuse to forgive those who have hurt us because we feel that in not forgiving, we are hurting them somehow and making them pay for their actions. Then there are times when we comfort ourselves with one word. Karma. The magic wand that will avenge us.
We have a memory bank full of records of what others did to us which hurt us. Forgiving someone isn’t really about deleting those records, it isn’t about pretending that those things didn’t happen. Forgiveness is all about no longer being bound by the emotions those acts used to elicit in us. We don’t set the perpetrator free, we set ourselves free from those acts and the emotional effects thereof, walking away, armed with lessons we learnt and coming out much wiser. This is what forgiveness means to me, it isn’t about the other person at all, it is all about me.
It is about forgiving myself for holding on for so long, forgiving myself for allowing others words to dictate how I felt about myself, forgiving myself for somehow feeling I was not enough, forgiving myself for not loving myself enough to rise above the situation.
Now let’s talk about karma, the magic wand that will avenge us. Many of us hold on to the hope that those who hurt us will reap what they sow. This becomes a source of comfort when we struggle to let go of the pain. However, wishing for karma to come in and save the day is also a form of holding on to the hurt which leads to frustration, disappointment and even more hurt. When you forgive, you don’t bring karma into it. You let go, you truly let go and wish those who hurt you well. This is totally possible to do when you realise that what you give out, mirrors back to you. If you wish others ill, it mirrors back to you, if you wish others well, it also mirrors back to you.
One of my favourite quotes comes from Oprah - “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different. Give yourself permission to accept and release that what was done has been done. Not forgiving means you are still holding on. Not forgiving someone is not giving you power, it is poisoning you..”
Wondering how to apply this to toxic people? I will bring science into this - every object has a vibration, even a solid table. In this light, we also vibrate at a certain frequency which is why you may notice people saying, “I feel low today”. This is because they are experiencing a low vibrational frequency. When you experience and even live life on a low vibrational frequency, you notice low vibrational acts more easily, which is the frequency on which toxic people operate.
However, if you choose (and yes, it is a choice) to function and operate on a higher vibrational frequency then you don’t notice acts conducted on low vibrational frequencies. It is like taking an elevator to the 2nd floor of the building which is filled with happiness which originates from within you while the toxic people remain on the ground floor which you cannot see or experience.
How do you raise your vibrational frequency? I will save this for another post.